Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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