Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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