i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
