you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
