is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
im on a boat
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