so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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