god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My legs feel like baby dolphins
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
