garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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