the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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