Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
