you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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