You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
