If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
