Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
