need another drink. this is the easiest way
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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