I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
