Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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