Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
