when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Michael Bay diarrhea
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
