I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
