Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize