You're my little dorito
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
