apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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