420 ftw
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
