I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
