JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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