Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
