I can feel you judging me through the phone.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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