I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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