I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I supernannyed him into submission
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
