You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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