Don't make out with my wife yet
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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