My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
