He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
