idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
