You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
soo... how was my night?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
