if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My ass is underappreciated
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
