Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Randomize
