The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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