Heybabeimwearingurpanties
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You have to summon your inner elephant
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
