R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just pee around me
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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