does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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