2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize