Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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