in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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