my shit smells like andre
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Don't EVER smell your tampon
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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