I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
