Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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