I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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