Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
one might say we're banned from that church
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
