I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
