she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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