He asked to "fluff my boner.."
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
