you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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