just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
