i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
