He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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