Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
