I only kidnapped one of them. chill
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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