I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have fence marks all over my body
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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