Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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