If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
