whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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