In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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