the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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