I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i now understand why vodka
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
