The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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