I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
