Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
