either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize