If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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