so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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