sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
